06.04.05 - 7:33 p.m.

Because I have adventures that I don't write about, I'm starving a future self. But I'm eatin my calcium candy and will have bones like ship masts if nothing else. The concept "one year from now" couldn't exist in my mind until a few weeks ago.....(did you hear that there's gonna be one year...and that it will be from NOW?). There are too few complete years showing up for attendance in my memory for me to feel sure that their arrival is a pattern I can really depend on.

More reliable than the delivery of some new years is the arrival of the future selves. I think of all of them who left their homes so long ago. They clamber over boulders.....they dive through thickets....they drink in parking lots to take a break....and then plunge through lakes that stand in their way. I wonder who of the future selves will win the race and reach me first. I really hope they haven't all left yet. Pack sandwiches you guys.

The main problem with not getting down the things I want to (by the way everything else is really fucking important too) is that later I won't know which experiences, of the ones I recall, I woulda chosen to record at the time. Another problem is that a lot of my possessions were completely destroyed by an airport last month, and I'll suddenly freeze and mouth to myself "Where is my big envelope?" or "Did the Vaseline watch make it!?" before sighing with relief when I remember where I shoved things and what was spared.

Zannie's in here walking around in a burlap jumpsuit with a pink dinosaur and the bagel dumpster now proffers whole loaves of wholesome bread and i promise you this sentence contains no code words. I don't know how to take this. All my grey Victoria coffee afternoons feel like a birthday and this is no exception. I can't believe I haven't written Zannie another long frenzied love letter yet today. Probably because most of today took place at school.

So.....can you imagine REALLY TALL fruit trees? Here's a visualization for you:

You: Are those snagged baloons or watermelons up there?
Me: I don't know. Please allow me to grab my opera glasses and solve this with you!

Thinking about trees makes me miss all the parking garages that've taken care of me at one time or another. But I've found a new thoroughfare. It runs between the Action Lab and the Ghost House and although I've just started using it, I think it's always been there. It's like a rainbow stretched along the ground that you only know about because of the pot of gold at either end. It feels like a forgotten arm of the Camino Real, or an ancient dinosaur route, or the only deer path in Victoria ever memorialized in concrete and a back yard short cut. It's that well-established in my mind.

see< >saw

i whisper hello to everything