08.07.05 - 1:27 p.m.

I decided that i believe that objects don't have an innate truth, the world is an occurence, and time equals cognitive fluidity. This makes coffee a verb, which shoulda been obvious all along.

I did ecstasy a few nights ago, and sat crosslegged on a couch and felt my torso and arms warm and hum. It felt like sap began coursing through me; like my empty inside had been filled with a tree. Syrup and seawater lapped against the back of my skin. I talked about things i didn't expect to and composed my thoughts with the help of staring at the floor....because whenever i turned to John i was overwhelmed by a feeling that I don't only exist in one place anymore.

I was reading about existentialism yesterday, and Mr. Sartre claimed that "each person is an absolute upsurge at an absolute date." I like and agree with that image, but I can't abandon the thought of everyone as rickety towers with thousands of rope bridges strung between us and our friends and associates and some of the people we walk by. I feel like more than usual is crossing mine and J's....like we're slowly moving into each other along some tenuous walkway. Maybe right now a lamp is being carried over the gap, or a single envelope, or a rock collection or something.

I really hope this sounds like a good idea to the boy I'm assuming is in on this.

see< >saw

i whisper hello to everything